My third review is on an online flash game, and while I usually won't do this, this game is so truly crazy I have to put it up. See that screenshot to the left of this paragraph? Look FAMILIAR? I thought so...For those of you who don't, allow me to point out two BIG similarities. First of all, that logo for the game TOTALLY rips off the New Super Mario Bros. logo. And if you didn't already notice the "sisters", they're wearing hats, one red, one green. And that's just the tip of the iceberg right there.
One more thing you'll see on the title screen is the fact that the logo reads "PETA's Super Chick Sisters". You know, PETA, the overprotective animal association that is against all animal abuse? Now that's not such a bad thing, considering some house pets are beaten senseless by their owners, and that needs to stop. But PETA also seems to work their way into criticizing fast food restaurants, like McDonald's, Burger King, etc. Now their target is KFC, the famous fried chicken restaurant chain. Apparently, there's a bunch of urban legends going around saying that they drug up their chickens before boiling them in oil, and other crap like that. They even have a website on it, which you can find here.
But they didn't stop there, no sirree. No, PETA actually went as far as ripping off a universally-popular game to get their message across. The result: Super Chick Sisters.
This has to be one of the most biased games I've ever played. It's loaded with propaganda, features some pretty graphic images (such as a bucket of chicken soaked in blood), and, worst of all, destroys Mario.
See, it's bad enough ripping off a famous character, Nintendo's mascot, but they also include HIM in a separate storyline (see story section). Anyway, now that I've gone through the introduction, let's get into the categorizing:
Graphics: Hmm, the graphics are okay, I guess. All the ORIGINAL characters look fine. But the MARIO characters look pretty dumb, particularly Mario and Luigi. Also, there's blood splattered on the walls, ceiling, and floor in some levels, as well as a giant bucket of blood-soaked chicken outside a KFC building. Not exactly appropriate for a game that looks like it's designed for kids, huh? Graphics get: 6/10 (and they're the only high point of the game).
Sound: Man, I can't believe how bland the music is in this game! It's hard to listen to, really. And with the cutscenes, they have some wimpy music for Mario (nice, PETA, nice). And they rip off a bunch of sound FX from Mario, too. Sound gets: 3/10
Story: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, the story. Okay, so the main plot is that Pamela Anderson, a spokeswoman for PETA, is kidnapped when trying to tell everyone that KFC is being cruel to chickens. The Mario Bros. are out to save the day... except they were playing Wii for too long and got "Wii-itis" (so you're gonna keep bashing Nintendo, PETA?). So two chicks named Nugget and Chickette go save her.
All right, WTC?!! "Uh, yeah, we're gonna go save this spokeswoman who was trying to reveal the horrible truth behind KFC and EVIL Colonel Sanders." Sanders, believe it or not, is the main villain who kidnapped Pam.
Okay, so along with that crappy storyline, PETA seemed to think they hadn't made Mario look bad enough yet, so they keep going: Mario is treated by Dr. Mario, then goes out to save Pam. Along the way, he gets beaten up by protesters for stomping on "cute little koopas". Then he asks a robot thing with Colonel Sanders' head on top if he seen Pam, holding up a picture of her. Then the princess walks in, and sees the picture, and slaps him. Yeah, don't bother asking why he's holding the picture, just ASSUME that he's cheating on you and slap the already-beaten plumber.
Oh, and to finish it all off, Mario finds Yoshi, and is relieved. But when he orders him to saddle up, Yoshi turns on him and says that his friends (the protestors that beat the snot out of Mario earlier) told him he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to do. Okay, so really, two things I can conclude are:
a. Mario "gets it" three times in a row!
b. SOMEBODY KILL THOSE PROTESTERS!
I won't give away the ending, but it's totally lame.
Story gets: 1/10 (Next time, PETA, leave Mario out of this)
Gameplay: It's Mario, what more can I say? Well, there's also a few tweaks. Only one enemy throughout the entire game, and it's those Colonel Sander-Spider Robots. Tofu is used instead of a mushroom to grow, and you collect baby chicks instead of coins. (sigh) Plus the game is pretty short, at only five levels. Gameplay gets: 4/10
Controls: Control is pretty frustrating, but not as bad as it could be. They get: 5/10
Now for the final score:
6+3+1+4+5=19. 19/5=
3.8/10
Verdict: Play this game so you can see how awful it is, and if you have nothing better to do.
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