Review #15: Andy's Dad in His Own Nightmare!

ANOTHER NON-PLATFORMER! Gee whiz, I'm on a roll here!

Not only that, but this game isn't on a console or handheld, and can actually be found online at yoyogames.com.

So anyway, look at the cover real quick. We see the character "Andy's Dad" (Melvin Skidd dressed up as him on Halloween) holding a lantern while running away from a ghost. So that's his nightmare, huh? Well, trust me, there's more than one ghost that's after him...

Categorization time!

Graphics: Very, very, VERY simple. The graphics really aren't that great, man, but the awesome gameplay makes up for it. Graphics get: 6/10.

Sound: To be frank, there's only one sound effect in the whole game, and it's Andy's Dad screaming "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" when he gets touched by a ghost. But this is so hilarious to listen to that you'll probably WANT to lose on this game just to hear it. Sound gets: 10/10.

Story: Well, there is a small story here. Andy's Dad is having a nightmare about being chased by ghosts, led by these three bigger and nastier ghosts named Phat, Speed, and Wingle (nice names, huh?). That's pretty much the whole story right there. Story gets: 7/10.

Gameplay: MUST... STOP... PLAYING!!! This game is very addictive, and you may end up glued to your computer screen playing it. Here's a screenshot of what you'll see while playing:

Sorry for the poor quality.

So, yeah, it's Andy's Dad's head and a bunch of windsocks with eyes and mouths. What do you do? Well, the ghosts are hyper on caffiene, and are just going all over the place nuts. You, as Andy's Dad, just have to run around avoiding them for as long as possible. This is more fun and addictive than it sounds, trust me. They even set up a high score table! The game is also split into levels, where you must survive for the time shown on the screen preceding the level (500, 1000, ???). This game is perfect if you have nothing better to do. Gameplay gets: 10/10.

Controls: Are you good with the arrow keys? You'll do fine here. Controls get: 10/10.

FINAL SCORE:

6+10+7+10+10= 43/5= 8.6/10, rounded up to 9/10.

Overall: Must play, even if just for the wicked title screen or AD's sound bite!

(Note: I'm not really doing this site anymore, so that's why this post isn't on at 7:01)

Review #14: Big Brain Academy

Cool, two non-platformer reviews in a row!

The DS's touch screen has been heavily used in some games, not so much in others. Sometimes the stylus is a necessity, other times the bottom screen is just there.

There's just a little overview of Nintendo's current handheld for you there.

Another thing about the DS is the abundance of edutainment games. But don't expect anything like "Mario is Missing", this game is fun for all ages, and you'll get something more out of it than the other games I've reviewed on the blog so far.

Okay, looks like it's time for categorization...

Graphics: Pretty good, but they're kinda just there, and there's nothing really special about them. Typical for an new-generation edutainment game for handheld. Graphics get: 8/10.

Sound: Once again, it's nothing special, but nothing grating either. Sound gets: 8/10.

Story: Uh, you decide to go to this school to find out how big your brain is??? Okay, so there's no story. I'll skip this...

Gameplay: You create your own file, and you can do one of two things: take the test, or train for it. The test features one of four mini-games from each of four or five categories, including Math, Spelling, etc. When you finish, the professor guy tells you how you did, by weight. In Brain Age, they measured how old your brain was; in BBA, they measure how heavy it is. You could get 10 to 400 pounds, and maybe even higher, depending on how you did. Overall, not entirely original, considering the idea kinda copies Brain Age, but that was actually more like a daily appointment, but I don't remember this game keeping track of what time you last played. Also, the mini-games are more colorful than those in BA. Gameplay gets: 10/10.

Controls: Like yesterday's "Sling", the stylus is hard to mess up, so no problems here. Controls get: 10/10.

FINAL SCORE:

8+8+10+10= 36. 36/4 = 9/10.

Verdict: If you don't already have Brain Age, try this one out.

Review #13: Sling

Yep, it's another online game, AND it's not a platformer!

In fact, this game almost deserves it's own genre, even though it currently sits in the "puzzle" category.

So, once again, with utter lack of nothing more to say, it's categorization time!

Graphics: Beyond the title screen, pretty much everything in the game is 2-D graphics. But they're good anyway. Graphics get: 10/10.

Sound: They call me a slacker for a reason you know...

Story: All right, let's see, while not as ridiculous as yesterday's game story (no overly-long, overly-hypenated names), this story still can hold the rest of the game up. It takes place in this world inhabited by slimes that can cling onto poles and that kind of stuff. You're this old guy's "apprentice", and you're learning about this power source, which has 8 elements: goo, space, fire, ice, and four other ones I can't remember. With ONE element missing, things get ugly. This he tells you as a bunch of aliens come in and steal the goo element, sending the world into chaos. You are sent out to go defeat those aliens and retrieve that element! There are also some funny cutscenes with the old guy being lazy watching TV or wondering how his apprentice is doing. Story gets: 10/10.

Gameplay: This is one of the best concepts for an online game ever conceived. You have to slingshot yourself from post to post, sliming every one, so that a portal appears to go to the next level. Slingshotting the little guy around is simple, you just drag him around and an angled line will appear, showing you where he'd end up flying if you let go. You go on doing this for 50 levels, but there are a bunch of obstacles added in later levels, such as enemies, and fake poles that inflate until they explode. There's also a bonus if you can make it in a certain time limit, but if you don't, you still pass the level. Gameplay gets: 10/10.

Controls: Considering it's just the mouse, you'd have to try very hard to mess up the controls. But the people did a fine job here. Controls get: 10/10.

FINAL SCORE:

ALL TENS! SLING GETS A 10/10!

Verdict: This is the second game to get a perfect 10 on my blog, after Dr. Mario, and like DM, it's well deserving of it's flawless score. Play it now.

Review #12: Earthworm Jim

Remember this game? No? Well, that's not too big a surprise, as this game fell into obscurity at one point, due to not having the "it" factor. Well, I agree AND disagree with that, as the game is actually funny... if you can get far enough through it. And chances are you won't make it through the second level, unless you are VERY, VERY good with your reflexes.

Otherwise, I pity the fool (sorry, I had to say that).

Anyway, time for categorization.

Graphics: Great graphics for sure, they made good use of the Genesis's (or SNES's) capabilities. Animation is smooth, and there's no slowdown. I'll give graphics a 10/10.

Sound: Another good one, the music is often ironic (for example, the elevator music in the "firey heck" level), and also has no problems. I'll say 8/10.

Story: Well, I feel sorrowful, but this is another "save-the-princess" storyline, but is very funny. Let's see what I can remember (a-hem):

In a galaxy far, far, away...

Professor Monkey-for-a-Head creates a super-ultra-powerful-suit-thing, and it is to be given to Queen Pulsating, Bloated, Festering, Sweaty, Pus-filled, Malformed Slug-for-a-Butt. But then some other thing called Psy-Crow tries to steal it, and the suit falls down to Planet Earth and lands on a normal earthworm named Jim (no, not THAT Jim). The now-intelligent earthworm goes out to stop old (insert queen's name here), and save Princess What's-Her-Name.

Yeah, I'm sure that' probably the stupidest story for a video game you've ever heard (yes, that really was the story; if you don't believe me, go look on Wikipedia, because I probably messed up the story), but you have to give credit to the makers of the game for the creativity!!! Story gets: 8/10.

Gameplay: Let me put it this way: It is SO funny, but SO hard. If only the laughs were abundant enough to outdo the frustration...

Okay, so you go around controlling the suit and shooting your ray gun and using your head as a whip. Sound easy? Well, the levels are very hard, as are most of the bosses. You really need the major skills to beat them. But if you do, the game can be very entertaining. For that, I'll abandon my opinion and give the gameplay a: 9/10.

Controls: Um, fine. 10/10.

FINAL SCORE:

10+8+8+9+10= 45. 45/5= 9/10.

Verdict: Like difficult yet funny games? Definitely get this one.

Review #11: Wacky Races

Ah, another game based off a cartoon. As you may already know, and from last Sunday's review, games based off of cartoons or movies are usually crap. This game is no exception.

Did you ever watch the cartoon? Well, if you never did, I'll tell you now: I thought it was HILARIOUS. That's what makes the game even worse. They couldn't have taken a BAD cartoon and made a crappy game out of it, right? Then again, there's a few of those games, too...

Categorization time!!!:

Graphics: They're fine, I guess. Not great but okay. The big problem is that Muttley doesn't even look halfway like his tv counterpart. Well, maybe halfway, but THAT'S ALL! Graphics get: 7/10.

Sound: Darn, I'm slacking in this department a lot...

Story: Good enough. Muttley and Dastardly are these cheaters that try to win in the Wacky Races, but always finish dead last to the other racers. You are sent out to get the parts of the car that got scattered, but the other racers won't let you go without a fight! Story gets: 7/10.

Gameplay: You won't believe this, but this isn't a racing game. It's a platformer (I know, aren't you getting sick of these?). Therefore, we already have that problem. But another is that you only have one attack as Muttley, and that is to chomp or bark. This may not seem like a problem until you get to the boss fight, where you battle another racer. Any one of these are huge, have a gazillion unavoidable attacks, and will beat you down in a heartbeat. Totally unfair, huh? Oh, and remember, Wacky RACES is a PLATFORMER! Gameplay gets: 3/10.

Controls: Well, you can't really mess up this category too badly, and Atlus (the company who made the game) did a pretty decent job. They get: 8/10.

FINAL SCORE:

7+7+3+8= 25. 25/4= 6.25/10.

But in favor of the crappy gameplay, which is really the important part, it gets:

3/10.

Verdict: Don't bother.

Review #10: Guitar Hero III - Legends of Rock

Wow, it's my 10th review! Sure, it won't seem like much later (on my 50th review), but this moment will go down in RGR history. But for now, my 10th-reviewed game: GUITAR HERO III!

This is really the third in a series of rhythm-based games, but it's the first released on the Wii console.

This game, of course, is meant to simulate playing the guitar. No, it won't TEACH you to play. In fact, playing the game has no similar feeling to actually playing a real guitar. But it's more fun anyway.

Now it's categorization time. ROCK ON!!!

Graphics: Not like it's that important, but the graphics are really good for a music-based game. They're in 3-D, with there being one of eight venues, or where your band is performing. Graphics get: 10/10.

Sound: Wow, hard to say. It pretty much depends on what song you're playing. Sound gets: 10/10 (I like most of the songs)

Story: Music-based games don't have a story most of the time, but this one actually does. Basically you're a garage band that gets signed on to do this tour around the world, but the person who gave you the contract is pretty mysterious. In fact, he kinda looks like the...

Nah, I'll just let you see for yourself. The story is explained in cutscenes after completing a "gig" (set of songs). Anyway, since this is new for the genre, I'll give the story a: 7/10.

Gameplay: This is one of the few games on the wii (if not the only) where you don't use the motion sensor on the wiimote. You instead put the wiimote into this guitar-shaped controller, and play away. The controller has a strum bar down in the body, and there's 5 frets on the neck. You get the neck up on screen, with 5 fret marks at the bottom. Notes, which look like little buttons, come rolling down towards you as if on a conveyor belt, and you have to hit these when they reach the fret marks. The notes are of the same color as the frets. You must hit the notes when they get to the fret mark. You do this by holding down that fret, then strumming the strum bar when the note gets to the fret. You do this throughout the whole song. It sounds difficult, and it may be at first, but it becomes second nature soon enough. There's a bunch of songs you can choose from, and you can either play in career mode, unlocking more songs to play in Quickplay, which is where you can just play songs. Gameplay gets: 10/10.

Controls: One word: unique. Controls get: 10/10.

FINAL SCORE:

10+10+7+10+10= 47. 47/5= 9.4/10.

Verdict: PLAY PLAY PLAY PLAY PLAY PLAY PLAY PLAY...!

Review #9: Spongebob - Legend of the Lost Spatula

Spongebob has become one of the most popular shows ever, even though it's pretty much going down the drain (ever since the start of season 4). Yeah, I know you think I'm a "no ifs, ands, or buts" spongebob fan, but trust me, I only watch older episodes, and the new ones SUCK.

This game was released during season 2, back when it was still good. I got the game as a birthday present a while back, and played it for a while. Because of my lack of common since, I never beat any of the bosses or levels, or beat the game.

You know how I talked about difficulty problems (i.e.: Battletoads, Mega Man...) in earlier reviews. Well, this game suffers from difficulty issues as well, but not in the same way those other games do...

You see, LOTLS is too easy. Once you know how to play, AND have common since, it's finished in 10-15 minutes. Yeah, this is probably not worth the 25 bucks you would spend on such a GBC game, but for me at the time I got it, I COULD NOT BEAT IT!!!

Anyway, enough of my ramblings, time for categorization:

Graphics: Wow. It's hard to believe how they designed the graphics here. It's like a bunch of 10-year-olds did it or something! Some characters, like Patrick and Squidward, are pretty well done, but others like Spongebob (the MAIN character you're controlling) and Sandy are pretty badly drawn. Okay, well the character design isn't that good, but the background and foreground graphics are okay. Not very detailed, but okay. Graphics get: 6/10.

Sound: Hmm, the music is pretty good, if not a bit simple. Some of the songs can get stuck in my head. The biggest problem is the GBC's sound quality. Sound gets: 7/10.

Story: This is pretty good for a cartoon-based game. Spongebob's riding his bike, when he comes across this odd-looking statue that resembles a sponge fry cook holding a spatula, standing on a stove. The four knobs in the stove are missing, too. He goes and tells Mr. Krabs, who tells him that it's the entrance to the Dutchman's Underworld (duh-duh-duhhhhh)! He says that a golden spatula is down there, and it's being guarded by the Flying Dutchman himself. Spongebob then proceeds to go find a map, giving him the ability to look throughout various stages to find the oven knobs needed to open the gateway. When he does, well...

Story gets: 9/10

Gameplay: WARNING: WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS.

Well, it's pretty much a platformer. You start at Sponge's house and walk towards Goo Lagoon, where you go up, up, up, and take an anchor down to a big chest where you'll get a map, letting you go off to now-open stages and find oven knobs. Of course, not without taking down a boss. 3 of the four knobs are guarded, and the boss is defeated to get the knob. There are a few "weapons" you can use: a bubble wand (the primary weapon), a jellyfishing net, and a net launcher, all of which have a purpose at some point. The characters will often ask you to find something in a level (Patrick wants his shorts back from the Carnival, Squidward wants some Jellyfish Jelly from Jellyfish Fields, etc.), but the missions are pointless. Finally, after getting all four knobs, you go down to the final two stages: Rock Bottom (what's THIS doing here?) and the Dutchman's Underworld. I won't give away the ending, although it's obvious enough already, right? Oh, and Spongebob has a lousy jumping ability, only able to make a huge leap in the air.

Like I said before, too, the game is very easy, and can be beaten quickly. But if you happen to lose along the way, here's how it happens: you start with a regular pair of pants. Get hit, you just have underwear. Get hit again, you're nude, and you have to start from the checkpoint. Nice, huh?

Overall, gameplay gets: 6/10.

Control: I explained earlier how bad Sponge's jumping is. That's all I can say about controls. They get: 5/10.

FINAL SCORE:

6+7+9+6+5= 6.6/10.

Verdict: Rent it, unless you can buy it for less than $5.